Datin' Tid Bits

Ok ladies, in the words of Memaw, “We’re havin’ a comin’ to Jesus meetin.”  A meetin’ about datin’.

Dating is defined as a series of social engagements of two individuals with the intention of marriage.  It is important the individuals share a mutual intention; this means, if one is more interested in a hook-up and one is focused on marriage there will be inevitable conflict.  I believe females place a lot of pressure on dating, being so eager to KNOW whether or not he is “the one” that we fail to enjoy the process.  Take dating for what it is – a risk and an opportunity.  A risk that you may encounter pain, your feelings may be hurt, but there is potential you could fall in love.  Dating affords you the privilege of learning your likes, your dislikes, your wants, and your needs. 

How many of you thought you knew exactly what you wanted, until you dated it?  I am so thankful for my ex boyfriends, no seriously, first I’m thankful they are all EX’s (holler at some protection from the Lord most high!), but I’m utterly grateful for the lessons I learned from my ex’s.  I can assign specific lessons to each ex; the one who taught me about trust and loyalty, the one who taught me about the importance of being pursued, the one who taught me about patience, the one who taught me about selflessness, the one who taught me to never enter a relationship hoping to change them, the one who taught me about prioritizing quality time, the one who taught me about being bold and respecting myself…the list goes on and on.

As stated in a previous blog post, I am an expert at being single (Refer to Singleness, It’s a Stage of Life I Chose to Dance Thru), but I can’t claim expertise over dating, however, allow me to share some of what I have learned.

• Dating should be fun, if it isn’t, you’re dating the wrong person.
• Each guy is supposed to teach you a lesson; you can keep the lesson and not keep the guy.
• Consistency is vital to ALL relationships, if you repeatedly break-up and get back together, accept that y’all aren’t meant to me, and perform the surgical solution and cut him out.  LET GO and move on, mama.  Literally, stop communicating.
• Yes, you and your ex can be friends, but don’t be foolish enough to believe you can immediately be friends a day after you break-up.  Time is an essential part of healing.
• R-E-S-P-E-C-T (sing it, you know you wanna!) Respect yourself, your standards, your man, and your relationship. 
• You should never look at the person you’re with and think, “I settled for you.”  Allow yourself to be WOW’d.
• He will date someone after you, it is inevitable – handle this with poise, grace, and class…do NOT be catty.  Cattiness isn’t attractive on anyone.
• I was asked, “What advice can you give to a girl who keeps picking the wrong guys?”  QUIT being willful and literally QUIT picking guys – let the Creator of the Universe author your love life.  Allow yourself to be pursued.  Use wisdom and pray that He guides and guards your heart. 
• Don’t date a guy with the hopes of changing him.  The only thing you can change about a guy is fashion (the secret to this is buy him clothes as gifts).
• If a guy likes you, he won’t let you get away, you don’t need to chase him.
• Fool me once, shame on you.  No literally, it stops after fool me once.  There is not room for “fool me twice, shame on me.”  It is a fool me once rule.
• “You’ve got to know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em, know when to walk away, know when to run” – listen to your gut, follow your heart.
• Don’t missionary date – this doesn’t work.  No seriously, sweetie, it doesn’t. (For those that don’t understand the term missionary dating – it is defined as s the act of a person of one religious faith dating a person with differing beliefs for the purpose of changing that person's beliefs or religion.)
• “You complete me” that’s bogus, truth is, he will not complete you, because this isn’t his role.  A relationship is two COMPLETE people uniting to be a powerhouse team.
• Be mindful of red flags; if he keeps waving them, just pull out your white flag.
• Quit making excuses for his poor behavior.
• Not every guy you date is going to be “the one”…um can I get a “thank the Lord!”?
• Don’t compromise yourself or your beliefs.
• Learn the lessons with the wrong ones to prepare for the right one.
• When you constantly say “I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know” when assessing how you feel – trust your gut…as my mother once told me “Sweetie, YOU’LL KNOW!”
• Have confidence that the man who ultimately captures your heart will gladly thank the fools who let you get away!  Their loss, his gain!
• Guard your heart.  "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." Provers 4:23

Shine always,

Q.